Character Analysis: Gregor the bug.  by Oliver Wong (Oct. 10, 2000)

            Boo! AH! I�m a bug! That is basically what happens in Franz Krafka�s The Metamorphosis. What a dumb pathetic book.  The author should be caught and burned at the stake, after being bagged and beaten beforehand.  Actually, let�s just bag all the literary professors because Krafka was probably just some idiot like Minix who came up with some stupid bug story� then some �smart� literary dude came along and said �Oh lala� look at all this symbolic junk.�  What a retard.  Everyone should give him wedgies and swirlies and spit spit-balls at him. 

Now for my real essay� nevermind.  I want to talk about my view-point on these stupid essays first.  First of all, the �awesome� authors of these �wonderful� literary works of �art� are probably morons who just decided to write a story about things like bugs, pigs, etc.  The �smart� ones used plenty of literary techniques and other junk like that along with much vocabulary in order confuse the heck out of the reader.  Why do you think you have to read a poem two, three, or more times before you even begin to understand it? That�s not what I call literary merit, that�s literary confusion.  Therefore, these �masterful� authors are not really masterful at all, but rather stink greatly at the use of the English language to get across a point.  For that, they should be bagged, beaten, and burned at the stake.

 Now for my second point, the goofy scholarly people who find a bunch of useless garbage in the �masterful� authors� works of �art.�  These are such people who write the AP test, the SAT, and other such items which attempt to test one�s intellectual skill of BSing using the English language.  Does anyone really need to know what Krafka�s bug might represent in our society? I think not.  Therefore, these people should be bagged, beaten, and burned at the stake.

 Forget my third topic paragraph - that was taught to me by mindless teachers (except for Ms.K and Ms.Hengst of course 'cause I don't wanna be bagged, beaten, and burned at the stake... or fail English... heh =) who just read stuff in a book written by the goofy looking scholarly people.

 In conclusion, these people who all they like to do is torture teenage minds with useless tasks such as identifying and listing rhetorical devices and literary techniques, should be bagged, beaten, and burned at the stake� then fed to the wild dogs in the woods.  Beat that! Now find the symbolism in this piece of junk which will someday be called a masterful work of literary merit and forced upon future teenage minds to scramble useless jargon and fake symbolic references in the year 2165 AD.