[Temporary Title for our Tales]
By Van Nguyen and Oliver Wong

A Prologue's Prologue

"Once upon a time," many stories do begin.
But this one is different; get ready for a spin.
Crammed with a plethora of lame rhymes,
And pointless lines sure to waste your time.
Read the rest of this story,
And you will soon see - our attempt at Douglas Adams glory.

Prologue

Our story begins on a summer day within a genius' testing chamber,
Filled with spinning gizmos and gleaming gadgets, I do remember.
Bulging with charts of the cosmos upon the walls,
It did appear like some space-age academy hall.

Amidst the instruments the Lazy Genius sat,
He is the king technocrat.
One can easily look and infer,
There is no aspect of technology he is not master.
Though knowing all the mysteries of the universe,
Being a lazy bum is his only curse.
Owning devices of such great scientific relevance,
They are strewn about despite his great intelligence.
Never bothering to clean up his messy lab,
He rather just to doodle on his notepad.
He knows the mysteries of the cosmos sure enough,
But he never bothers to do anything because of his sloth.
His white hair is a mess, much like a slob of spaghetti that no one wants to eat.
He dressed in dirty lab coats, with purple slippers on his feet.
The Genius' face and body was tired and worn,
As physical exercise, he looked upon with scorn.
Below his chest, there was a decent size potbelly,
Which seemed to jiggle around like a pile of strawberry-jelly.

Next I shall describe this particularly cool guy,
It is none other than me, myself, I.
At first glance, they say I look like a punk,
However my values and beliefs are closer to a monk's.
I wear upon my head a multicolored mohawk.
Which seemingly separates me from the rest of society's flock.
People who judge me as a gangster at first sight do sometimes flee.
Little do they know I volunteer and do charity.
I have studied vector calculus and Shakespeare's Hamlet,
Yet because of my teenage appearance prejudices do beget.
I'm the professor's nephew sent to his house to look and learn,
Although the Lazy Genius treats me like some summer intern.
Charged with cleaning his huge lab room,
He's just too lazy to do it himself, that buffoon.
Though I despise straightening up the clutter,
I commence without even a mutter.
Being bossed around makes me a tad tense,
Even so, it is all good experience.
I dress the way I am to let one see,
Outside appearances can skew perception quite deceivingly.
While strangers may think I'm some child gone funk.
People who know me call me the Good Punk.

Consumed with boredom while cleaning one day in Lazy Genius' messy lab,
Where the Genius is but doodling on his notepad.
"How about we go to the beach?" I suggest.
The Genius replies, "That sounds like a dandy idea! I think that would be best."

"Let me test my instant-transporter really quick�
If it works, we won't have to worry about traffic."
"Bbzzzooooottttt Zrreeeee" the Instant-Transporter whirred as the room filled with fumes.
As the gas dispersed, two new figures were apparent in the room.

One was tall, muscular and smelled slightly like a pig-filled pigsty.
He was from long ago so we called him The Braveheart Guy.
His appearance one can easily see,
Is that of someone straight from the movie.
Adorn with leather armor and an elaborately carved bronze shield.
A large shimmering steel broad sword he also did wield.
Bemired with mud coming out of the warp hole,
Obviously he has no difficulty battling in rain or snow.
A towering figure of incredible height,
He was equally blessed with high might.
Equally matched even with the monsters in Lock Ness,
He is a symbol of manliness.
Being such a gritty guy,
There was something out of character in his eyes.
In those orbs of ultramarine blue,
They seem to be some strange clue.
Not violent and angry but seemingly� kind.
Oh, how it did boggle the mind!
Is there something else beyond the rugged exterior, something more?
We will find out when he tells his lore.
Anyhow when he first tumbled through the warp, rumbling with a war cry,
I never really got a chance to look at his eyes.
Not knowing which century he suddenly appeared in,
He pulled out the battle-ax and gave it a spin.
Equipment shivered as glass beneath his slash.
The transporter machine he sadly, also bashed.
Using is multilingual skills Lazy got him to relax.
Finally to lower that devastating battle ax.
The professor soon befriended the tall figure with pride.
It soon became apparent that Braveheart Guy would follow along to the seaside.

The other figure, unsure of at first, turned out to be some sort of alien blob.
The green and ugly pile of gunk just stood and stared until it said, "Greetings. My name is Bob."
Bob was very gooey indeed; he looked much like play-do mixed with mud.
He might have a hand or eyes, or maybe even feet, but I couldn't tell if he was a wimp or a stud.
It was unknown whether he was sitting or standing, sleeping or glaring.
Bob was basically, just a green blob, touched only by those very daring.
As Lazy and I stood in shock, Bob wiggled along the floor like a leech.
Finally, with much haste, Lazy replied, "We are Earthlings, would you like to go to the beach?"

So off they went, this unusual quartet of ours, to see the beach and bathe in the sun.
I'm not sure with this gang if it's going to be much fun.
Seeing that Mr. Braveheart killed the instant-transporter machine,
We had to get there by some other means.
"How 'bout you take my super-cool-spaceship?"
Lazy Genius added, "With a coffee maker, it's quite well equipped."
So we climbed aboard the craft resembling a bullet with wings.
However the professor was too lazy to leave his cushioned chair with springs.
"Go on without me for now"
"I'll fix the transporter and catch up later," he said with a bow.
So we three blasted off into the stratosphere,
However, boredom soon set in once again as I feared.
I popped in my favorite Nine Inch Nose Hairs CD,
And listened to the "tunes" with glee.
Suddenly on the control console,
Lazy Genius's holographic-communicator image did switch on and glow.
"Seeing that everyone has nothing to do."
"How 'bout we tell a tale or two?"
"Let's make it a contest, shall we not?"
"To the winner I will give one of my inventions which cannot be easily bought."
"Now if you don't tell a tale today, it will be seen,"
"That you will receive not a drop of sunscreen."
"Because I know everything I guess I'll judge"
"To those not victorious, I hope you won't hold a grudge."
Seeing that we had nothing else to do,
I volunteered to be speaker number two.
Braveheart guy also agreed with a nod,
The alien, Bob, gurgled and bubbled, "yes" within his restraining pod.
To get things started the Lazy Genius will speak,
I hope his tale isn't filled with technical jargon that will make it bleak.

Lazy Genius' Tale's Prologue

My story will begin many centuries away,
In the far off galaxy of Nozz, I have been there just a few days.
My magnificent time-travel machine I have used,
I've seen many wonders that I will now share with you.

There once was a turtle named Bob,
(Not like the alien blob we have here, but an alien turtle, Bob.)
The turtle was very very slow,
But this story really has nothing to do with a turtle and more with a person named Poe�

Lazy Genius' Tale

In the far-off galaxy of Nozz, there was an evil general named Poe.
General Poe was mean. He was nasty. He was really really low.
His goal in life was to rule the universe and everything within.
In this conquest of many planets, he wore planets' resources very thin.

He overpowered the Terran, he destroyed the Protoss empire.
Even the mighty and many Zerg fell to his wicked aspire.
He went from galaxy to galaxy, blowing away suns, planets, and moons.
Causing great chaos to all living things from alien Martians to alien baboons.

After a decade of constant conquest, General Poe thought all was won.
Until a little boy brought up an idea; just a little one.
"I thought you conquered everything," the boy thought.
"What about that black hole there?" pointing to a map of all the battles fought.

At first the General thought of it nonsense,
But wait! He must conquer everything he thought� "On with the offense!"
He gathered his troops, his spaceships and guns,
Off to battle a foe, a black hole, dubbed Attila-The-Hun.

So off he went with his battalion of fleets, zooming off into the distance with a great buzz.
His strategists surveyed the enemy and concluded that it was,
Too great an enemy, impossible to defeat!
They cried out that it was like kicking a metal pole with your bare feet!

But Poe was too greedy, too prideful a man,
He ordered his troops to attack, so off they ran.
One by one they approached the event horizon,
And disappeared forever, never to grow old or even wizen.

As his fleet was approaching its depletion,
Poe himself struggled for his victory's completion.
Off he went in his flagship cruiser�
Off to make the black hole the battle's loser.

But as you can guess, Attila got the best,
And Poe disappeared with all the rest.
So as you have learned, never be too prideful or full of greed,
Rather than kill and blow up, help others with kind helpful deeds.

Back to the ship

So that was Lazy Genius' story he just told.
Now it's my turn, listen and behold�

Good Punk's Tale

I begin a tale about rules and regulations,
With morals applicable in any nation.
Let me introduce the characters of this tale then,
It is a story of two holy men.
They are monks on a pilgrimage to somewhere I don't know,
Traveling to where ever the wind does flow.
One man is very strict in abiding by the rules,
Someone not following them to the book is a fool.
That was his stern old philosophy,
Now his younger partner was different; he was quite free.
The rules of the holy men he doesn't care for quite as much,
Chastity and giving up worldly possessions and such.
Now don't get me wrong; this young guy is quite loyal,
Never does he dream of breaking those rules in his toils.
He lives life by what standards his conscience deems right,
Doesn't have to keep the holy books and scriptures always in sight.
Wandering in the woods one fateful day,
The two happened to hear cries of help ahead on their way.
Rushing through the tall grasses winding and curled,
In the open pasture was a figure of a maiden girl.
She lay broken and weeping upon the wet ground,
Around her ankle a silk handkerchief was crudely bound.
The urgent matter is what lies below,
Where an adder had given her two deep holes.
Upon the wet earth where she was found,
There were rips and wide tears upon her bemired gown.
It seems she faced worse ordeals last night,
Compounded with that poisonous snakebite.
The younger monk came quickly to her aid,
While the elder reluctantly behind he stayed.
Appalled feelings in the elder it did provoke,
When the younger covered the sobbing girl with his own cloak.
The younger tried to help her upon her feet,
However it proved to be an impossible feat.
Shocked was the elder when the younger took the maiden on his back,
Written in the scriptures: holy men and women shouldn't have physical contact.
"Shouldn't we holy men wait and get someone else to help?"
Stated the elder with a slight yelp.
"Nonsense, brother!" the younger said.
"She requires medical attention; look how her ankle has bled."
At mid-day the three arrived at a nearby town.
A doctor's clinic they also found.
On a hospital bed the poor maiden they set her down to lay,
Their job done, the holy men set off once again on their way.
That night the both men set up camp on the ground,
The younger slept quite happy and sound.
However, the elder was up throughout the night,
Burdened with his mental plight.
At last he reached a point he cannot stand,
He went and roused up the younger man.
"Didn't we take our vow of strict separation between man and woman, brother?"
The elder said between stutters.
The younger sat up with great composure,
While the other's mind was a stirred.
"Brother, I left that poor girl all the way back at town with the forest near,
But you, my friend, have brought her all the way here.
Don't take every rule at face value,
That is advice I can gladly tell you.
We vowed to refrain from worldly love and lust within the mind,
If our minds are pure, what's the harm of slight contact of the physical kind?"
The free one went soundly back to sleep,
While the other sat pondering in a human heap.
From Buddhist scriptures that story I did read,
However it is applicable to everyone no matter your creed.

Bob's Tale

Look at me, this green blob of mine,
Do you think I need sunscreen to protect my slime?
I choose not to tell a tale,
Because I need as much sunscreen as a blue whale.




Back to the ship

"Well Bob turned out to be a bad sport,"
Muttered Lazy with a snort.
No sunscreen to Bob we will lend,
How bout we listen to Mr. Braveheart now then?

Braveheart Guy's Tale

As I drink thee wonderful coffee,
I wonder if it is caffeine free.
"No it's not."
Well, at least it's hot.
Thus, I shalt tell my story to thee,
A tale from my homeland, little piggies three.
There once were three little pigs,
And a wolf very very big.
Hold on, let me get more sweet coffee in my cup.
This stuff I just can't get enough!
Anyway, the pigs left home,
They all planned to live alone.
One pig made a house of straw,
It was very cheap, after all.
The other made a house of sticks.
And the last made a strong house of bricks.
More coffee please,
So I can finish my tale with ease.
Now the wolf felt quite hungry,
So he wanted to eat the piggies three.
I'm tired of talking and telling this tale,
I'll jump to the end so I can drink coffee by the pails.
The wolf was tired of huffing and puffing,
Aye, talking in verse is such a curse!
So he left the pigs alone in the strong brick house,
And went home to drink coffee.
There.

Epilogue

Maybe I was wrong about that man's eyes,
To coffee he became addicted, that is no lie.
I thought his eyes were bright at first,
But in coffee they seemed now immersed.

Now let's wait to see what the prize will be,
The Lazy Genius now we will see.

"Now that I have heard all the tales,
I will announce the winner of us four males.
The prize is my special coffee maker you see,
Not needed by him, you, or me.

So I will announce Braveheart as our winner,
His own coffee beans he can now simmer.
Congrats to you, my man of old ages,
This is sure to calm your many angry rages.

So we arrived at the beach under the sun,
With the transporter fixed, Lazy also had lots of fun.
But after the day had ended,
It was necessary to make sure the task of sending everyone home was tended.

So into the transporter our two new friends went,
One back to his planet, the other to his home in a tent�
And back at his home, the scream was heard among many piglets,
"AHHHH!!!! THERE ARE NO OUTLETS!!!!"
Too bad electrical power had not been invented,
Until well beyond the Seventeen-hundreds.