Once upon a time, there was a big poopoohead named Chad

�The Results of One Hour of Sleep and a BPA Tournament�

by Van Nguyen, Chad Wilson, and Oliver Wong

Once upon a time, there was a big poopoohead named Chad.� Chad was a really stupid freak who broke other people�s candies and kept people up while fragging people late at night. One day, Chad ventured off to Korea and had a great adventure!� But enough about him.� Oliver was an even bigger poopoohead, whereas he was a communist freak who wanted to rule the world with fire.� In order to accomplish this great feat, Oliver the Stupid wrote the following poem:

�� The world shall not once more turn,

�� For I shall pour out my wrath,

�� And so shall everything burn.

�� How I can accomplish this with stupidity,

�� I am not incredibly shore,

�� Throw down your bunny rabbits and succumb to me.

�� Or you shall live, nevermore.

�� P.S.- I�m stoopid.

�� P.S.S.- sin(0) = 1.

�At this very instant, somewhere above Indonesia, NATO officals have confirmed an unidentified falling object appearing remarkably like Oliver K. Wong. Breaching the stratosphere at 1000 x 10 18 meters per second, the falling Oliver has entered Russian airspace, thus triggering the imfamous CHAD missile-laser-railgun defense system. Chad, who had accidentaly ventured into Russia rather than Korea, spotted, what he thought, was a golden penny on the ground. Picking it up with much enthusiasm, he heard a great �WHOOOOSH� sound in the air. SMACK. Oliver hit Chad head-to-head and the two forms soon morphed into bubbling piles of gook on the ground.� Russian bystanders were soon intercepted by MIB agents and had their memories erased. Van also got run over by a van in the North American hemisphere. Then Oliver and Chad remorphed! Chad rushed for the heavy body armor and then bounced to the railgun. Oliver, who was bumbling around like a George W. Shrub, was snipe-fragged by Chad. Oliver remorphed to no prevail, whereas Chad caused him to explode with the railgun yet again. The pitiful Oliver remorphed again and immediately ran off the edge of a cliff. To this day, nobody knows the reason why, but Chad destroyed him with a 100 frag lead. Acutally, Oliver did survive and is living well�if being able to live with the fact that you are the stupidest moron alive is concidered well. After falling off the cliff and recupperating in a dimly lit hospital somewhere near Seattle, Oliver Wong was struck down by his sister with a Pokemon coloring book, and beaten into a bloody pulp.

�� The van that ran over Van, parked in the area directly over the remains of Van. After an infinite attempts of remorphing, the interior of the van was soon filled with many upper torsoes of Van. The driver, seeing his ruined leather seats, abondoned the car where it is to this day, a condemned place and where Van continuously remorphs over and over again, dying instantaniously.

Then, Oliver once again, and completely unexpectedly remorphed. What would he do now??!?!?! Chad was on vacation, and oddly enough, was tired of kicking the crap out of Oliver�s communist chinese butt. So, Oliver did the only thing one could have expected him to do. He sat down, and failed every calculus test that exists. His hopes of getting into even UT were soiled after he failed Independent Study in Speech as well as both of his off-periods. Then he dropped all of his candy upon the ground, cried, and wrote another studid, retarded, dumber than Oliver (whoa!!) poem:

�� Where have all my pet llamas gone?

�� What shall I ever do?

�� Perhaps I can become fertilizer for lawn,

�� And smell even more like poo.

�� And even this would be a great improvement,

�� Over my normal hygiene standards.

�� Girls never ever make any movement,

In whatever direction I decide to wander.

So I shall but �be the fertilizer�

Strong, smelly, and helpful with explosions.

Where can I find my graphic equalizer?

And dangit! I need some lotion!!!

Then he died a horrible painful death.

Yes, quite painful indeed. From out of nowhere a van (yes a Van) filled with a smattering of hammer-weilding triad members swarmed and surrounded the poor Oliver. Now it wasn�t the gangsters that killed him, ironicly his cause of death was that he chocked on a Cheetos while attempting to walk backwards at the same time also staring staight up at the sky singing the Star Spangled Banner. No matter the reason, Stupid dinky Oliver was bagged, beatened, and burned at the stake, then thrown into approximently 80 miles off the coast of New Zealand. In the several minute what was left of him remained afloat, snipers from the Hind-D hovering Russian gunship took cheap shots at his butt.

Then Oliver let out a big fart and killed the whole world.

All of a sudden, something happy happened!!!!!!!! Well, besides Oliver dying again, and purple robot married a snug puddle-bunny, and they proceeded to frolick through the forrest at increasingly surreptitious velocities. If they left point A traveling 57000 m/s, and arrived at point Van 16 light years away in 2 seconds, (a) at what point was their instantaneous velocity equal to their average velocity? (b) how long does it take them to stampede over a defenseless, mostly-dead Oliver?

And ZZzzZZZzzZZZZzzz (We went to sleep)