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[This
story has been dramatized for comic effect]
H
O O D L U M S
By: Clark Kent
And Associated Press
AUSTIN, TEXAS: Five hoodlums were
spotted today leaving from McNeil High School and
traveling to Cedar Valley Middle School, where they
presumably waved at the local middle schoolers,
petrifying their immature brains.
"It's sad," commented Principle Atchley,
"the kids had so much brain power to be scarred for
life by a bunch of teenage hoodlums." At this time,
there is no known defense against the hoodlums' insane
attack.
 Not
only did they attack the middle schoolers, they also
attacked helpless pedestrians and drivers. "I was
terrified," sobbed a pedestrian (who chose to have
her name withheld), "they came out from nowhere and
started waving at me. Laughing as they drove by. It was
disgusting." The pedestrian and at least a dozen
other victims are now going through mental treatment to
start the healing process. "I've never seen anything
like it," said a doctor, "it's horrible. The
victims are marred mentally. I'm not sure if we can heal
them, but we will try. We will not lose hope."
 The
attackers could not be identified as they were wearing a
bear, alien, Jason, red hood, and Batman masks. One
attacker was even reported to have been wearing a huge
sombrero. "We will not stop until these hoodlums are
caught and taught a lesson," said Officer Bob.
"Unfortunately, we do not have the attackers'
license plate number as all the victims were put into too
much of a shock to remember it."
The horrible attacks ended before
5:00 PM, when the attackers allegedly split up and hid.
The attacks have ended, but the danger is still there.
Lock your children in the homes, don't let them look both
ways before they cross the street (as they may spot the
hoodlums and their hoodlumobile). Getting run over and
squashed is a much better end than to be destroyed by
these sick hoodlum monsters. Get all your windows of your
car tinted so that you cannot see out.
Beware.
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