[This story has been dramatized for comic effect]

H O O D L U M S
By: Clark Kent
And Associated Press

AUSTIN, TEXAS: Five hoodlums were spotted today leaving from McNeil High School and traveling to Cedar Valley Middle School, where they presumably waved at the local middle schoolers, petrifying their immature brains.  


"It's sad," commented Principle Atchley, "the kids had so much brain power to be scarred for life by a bunch of teenage hoodlums." At this time, there is no known defense against the hoodlums' insane attack.  

Not only did they attack the middle schoolers, they also attacked helpless pedestrians and drivers. "I was terrified," sobbed a pedestrian (who chose to have her name withheld), "they came out from nowhere and started waving at me. Laughing as they drove by. It was disgusting." The pedestrian and at least a dozen other victims are now going through mental treatment to start the healing process. "I've never seen anything like it," said a doctor, "it's horrible. The victims are marred mentally. I'm not sure if we can heal them, but we will try. We will not lose hope."  

The attackers could not be identified as they were wearing a bear, alien, Jason, red hood, and Batman masks. One attacker was even reported to have been wearing a huge sombrero. "We will not stop until these hoodlums are caught and taught a lesson," said Officer Bob. "Unfortunately, we do not have the attackers' license plate number as all the victims were put into too much of a shock to remember it."  

The horrible attacks ended before 5:00 PM, when the attackers allegedly split up and hid.


The attacks have ended, but the danger is still there. Lock your children in the homes, don't let them look both ways before they cross the street (as they may spot the hoodlums and their hoodlumobile). Getting run over and squashed is a much better end than to be destroyed by these sick hoodlum monsters. Get all your windows of your car tinted so that you cannot see out.  

Beware.